bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
