someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
