Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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