I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
