He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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