just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
