Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
