Cold hands, warm shart.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize