We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
