yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
tell your sister to shave her snatch
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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