I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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