She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
