YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
