the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
