I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
