Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
