So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
