So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
