how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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