Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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