She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
