Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
