Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
