I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
