Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
