Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
