Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
