he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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