I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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