What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
