Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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