bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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