If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
