i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
