Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
