Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize