its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
