If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
