I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
