the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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