i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
