Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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