So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
