Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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