I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
