i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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