He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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