3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
