So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
