census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
