Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
