Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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