Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
