Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
