so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
