She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
