Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
