is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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