I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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