Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
