Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
