Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize