real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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