He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
