You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
