I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize