A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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