at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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