If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
