I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
