if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
